Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
high people should be assigned attendants
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize