I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
did i walk over a car last night?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
