it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
