Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
