My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
