i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
