Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
