Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
