What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
