the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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