What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
