Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
