Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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