Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
