then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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