before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
