I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
