I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
