i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
