fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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