I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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