she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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