Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
