So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
