We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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