there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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