Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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