Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
