margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
