Pants 0. Shit 1.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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