made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
