The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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