Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
