Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
