Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
