It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
