I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
