Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
