Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize