Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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