considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
