im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
