okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
