I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
