sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
