so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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