you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
