Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize