It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
