girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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