Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
