TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
