listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
