she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
