if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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