Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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