He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
