I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
