is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
