Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
