the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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