I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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